When asked how we're doing, our reply is almost always, "Busy! So busy busy busy."
Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it validation that we're living full lives?
I read an article this morning called "The 'Busy' Trap" and it reminded me of my own journey in the last couple days.
I had a breakdown the other night. I ended up crying my eyes out because Ryan helped me to realize how incredibly unhappy I've been lately. My obsession with staying "busy" had my insides wound so tightly that I was irritable and snappy.
When I "fail" at checking off enough to-do list items at the end of each day, I beat myself up. The word "fail" is important here. What a terrible, hurtful way to talk to myself.
As much as I try to create an environment of kindness (see: The Kind List), I've sunk into this place where productivity is everything. I started measuring my worth by how many hours I worked.
Sounds pretty dramatic, right?
The scary thing is, I'm not the only one giving in to this mindset. It's becoming an unreachable standard in society that we have a million things going on at once. School, work, side projects, hobbies, health, kid stuff, house stuff, pet stuff and on and on. There's so much pressure.
I see it on Facebook and Twitter every day. People proudly declaring how frantic and tired they are all the time.
I thought, "Hey, if I'm not like them, I must be doing something wrong."
That's a bunch of bull crap.
What's the point in running myself into the ground if I'm not happy in the end? It's a lessen I seem to relearn over and over again. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. Period.
New boundaries:
• No working after 8 p.m.
• Meditate daily
• No multitasking
• Get outside and enjoy the fresh air
• Only check social media during breaks (not every 5 minutes)
That's my starting point.
Do you have similar rules you follow?
I'd love to hear about your experiences with the "busy" trap.
i can totally relate. Being home now all the time, i feel like if i take time to relax, i'm being lazy. I'm constantly running around cleaning or organizing something, all while bouncing on and off the computer...and oh yeah, there's that little baby i need to keep happy and hang out with! I'm still trying to find a way to organize my life so i don't always have a million things bouncing around my head. It's hard when you're your own boss everyday
ReplyDeleteTotally! Answering to yourself is the hardest of all. I'm hoping that by setting some rules it'll help me feel balanced. I can imagine having a baby in the mix adds it's own challenges too. Life is a work in progress. Thanks for commenting Laura. :)
DeleteOh my gosh! I need to make rules for myself too. My to-do list is ALWAYS impossibly long, it gets overwhelming and then I feel let down when I skip things *coughWritingWeddingThankYouscough* I agree, finding balance is the trick, but it's a hard nut to crack. Some times I think it would be helpful to space your interests out in days of the week, like on Monday it would be nice to go for a run, and Tuesday I would like to try that new recipe I just found and so on. I haven't tried that method yet. I do think that there is something to be said for unstructured time where you can just let your brain sort of coast. But keeping yourself in check and keeping goals in mind is very important. Sorry this is starting to ramble on, clearly I have been experiencing similar feelings. Good luck and if you uncover the secret, please share :)
ReplyDeleteThen again if life were completely balanced it wouldn't be very interesting. I totally agree that having unstructured time is very important. I believe my best ideas come to me during that time. I love your idea of setting one goal everyday that includes stuff like trying a new recipe and going for a run. Those "me time" moments are good for the soul. :)
DeleteLate at night when you go back to bed, every time the thought of "how productive I was today" comes into your mind (out of habit, it will take time to remove it) switch to another question "what did I do today to become just a little bit happier?" or "what good things I experienced today? What are the positive things of today?". This defines you as a person, not the amount of hours spent being "busy busy".
ReplyDeleteBreak away from Social Media, it's a bubble that only will de-focus you when being creative. Check it only once an hour when you need a break from work - this is how I managed to get over the part "OMG, I have so few followers, I am a horrible person, nobody likes me, I suck!". Now I check it when I take a break from work, drink my coffee, etc. If something happened and I wasn't there to worry about it - I don't care so much anymore.
I personally haven't managed to stick to my resolution of "no more work after XYZ pm" - but I don't feel miserable because of it yet. I stay longer when I want to (want to, not have to) and sometimes I leave earlier when I am not in the right mood for work. I just don't kill myself for this, although I do feel guilty sometimes when I take longer breaks or days off.
When somebody complains "I am so tired" I don't see it as a sign of success, but as of failure. Also when I am tired (I've been a lot this week and it's a complaint, not a statement) it's a sign I forgot about myself and my family and I have to compensate - I have to fix things, I overreacted somewhere and I have to rest instead of taking this amount of tiredness to next week.
Meditating is a great idea, it's going to help you recognize the amount of toxic thoughts you have about yourself. Martin Seligman wrote in one of his books that if our enemy would say to us the same things we say to ourselves we would fight against these kind of statements with our fists :))
But us saying them to ourselves somehow make them appear the absolute truth which is not.
Good luck :)